The Offensiveness of Prayer

As I was reading chapter 1 of FWFF, one of the first things that caught my attention was on page 19 where Cymbala realized that God is attracted to weakness. That truth resonated with me and I decided to write on that...yesterday, and I guess God thought it might be nice for me to have an object lesson.

Yesterday, in an odd collision of timing, several things happened. I had conflict with our building management in which I became very frustrated...and expressed that frustration. Then our internet was on the fritz all day and being on the phone with tech support is never my idea of a time well spent. At the end of all that effort, it still didn't work. Then, a friend that I haven't talked to in a while basically hung up on me because it seemed like I was having a bad day and she didn't want to deal with me. That's a summary. I'll leave out the details.

Needless to say, at the end of it all, I felt less than human. I felt frustrated, angry, tired, disrespected, devalued, light-headed, and very hormonal. I felt that familiar feeling of being slimed by life, that dirty feeling that I am not loved, not worthy of it and unable to give it.

I felt weak. I don't like feeling weak. Who does? Weakness is not a positive word in any context whether it refers to lack of physical strength, emotional stamina, mental acumen or spiritual fortitude. Whatever it is, weakness, by definition, indicates a lack or deficiency. It's certainly not something to strive for.

So when we read or hear that God is attracted to weakness, some of us might respond, Yay. Good, because that's me. And I'm sure there's a part of us all that recognizes that. But when the rubber meets the road and we actually are in that place, it's hard to embrace. We disqualify ourselves from the presence of God because of our perceived inadequacies. Honestly, I knew I needed God yesterday, but it was doggone hard to go there because I felt so dirty on the inside.

This morning, I awoke with the reality of Hebrews 10:19-23 ringing in my heart, that we have a great high priest whose blood is enough to wash us clean from our guilty and evil consciences and Hebrews 4:15-16, this priest sympathizes with us in our weakness. The call is to draw near, draw near, come with confidence, find mercy, find grace, but we run. Isn't it a sick and twisted form of pride that we will not come to His presence when we need His help the most? I don't know what we are afraid of. Condemnation? There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Disappointment? We are His children whom He longs for, always interceding for us before the Father. Silence? He draws near to those who draw near to Him.

I don't want to seem like relationship with God is formulaic and that there are pat answers to life, but the point is the relationship itself. Prayer is relationship. To know God is to pray, to be, and to communicate. As in any relationship, we approach with some level of faith believing and trusting that the person's heart is for us, not against us. In Cymbala's case, it was believing that God cared about him as a pastor and little ole po'dunk Brooklyn Tabernacle and it was ok that he couldn't make anything happen at that church. He was weak, but he prayed, he believed, he came to God.

I think that underlying a lot of difficulty regarding prayer is that it is offensive to our core. It attacks our self-sufficiency and substitutes it with a desperate plea of, "Lord, I need you." It's weak in that we spend a lot of time waiting on Him...seemingly wasted, just being with Him, hearing from Him instead of telling Him how things should be done. We are offended too that we can't be more holy or more put together when we come and don't want God to see us that way. Pshaw! Just come.

If there's one thing I find consistent in my journey with God, it's this: His love and mercy are far beyond what I can dare dream or imagine. It's not a license to live at will and call it grace. This past Sunday, Daniel talked about God's love as a consuming fire--it doesn't warm without burning and Jonah had to learn that it was extravagant and free enough to save a wicked city, but expensive and demanding enough to want ALL of him. God's love is demanding, but yield to that love and its invitation, respond to it, even in weakness, and I believe you'll find along the way that He is indeed good.

~ Noella